esza and..

yaa.. gw tau.. banyak pasangan yang gak bisa punya anak..

yaa.. gw tau banyak pasangan sejenis atau yang gak bisa punya anak pengen punya anak..

but why most of them are the man that i;m falling with????

ma, kalo kamu aku gak ngerti dehh.. kenapa ga mau having baby.. even married!! i dont get it.. but you are 22 now.. theres a long way still.. and many things will change your mind

bang, knapa juga gak mau married and having baby? or babies?? takut umur pendek? ya ampuunn.. umur orang siapa yang tau sih?

trus kamu juga!! takut banget.. anehh deh.. ada apa sih dengan laki laki jaman sekarang..??

When i’m being a very strong and tough girl.
When i’m so independent and stand on my own feet.
When i never asking a lot of question.
When i’m not shed a tears in front of you though your unfaithful is killing me inside.
When we split our argument and rebuttle each other case, having a clever conversation.
When i can facing your weaknesess and never complaint.
when i’m dressing well.
when theres nothing wrong with my face, my skin and nails.
When i’m wearing skirt.
When we sit in front of the gym having our chocolate ice-cream.
When i can make you laugh though what i do is nothing.
When i can make you forget all your problems.

And theres also time when you hates me.
When i want to meet you and consist..
When i dont care with anything that i wear.
When i want you by my side.
When i want you to held my hand and waked me home.
When i start to talking a lot.
When i touch your hair.
When i’m being a maudlin.
When i start to cry.
When i need you to acompany me through boring times.
When i cant think clearly.

And i’m always have the moment when i love you most.

When you know what i want even before i ask.
When you send me a goodnight message with subject
When you call me with the name you gave me.
When i have 2 months, our 2 months when you focus with our relationship.
When you held my hand and walked me home, laughing and singing along the street.
When you protect me everytime we walking across the street.
When you hold me and put your hands on my head.
When you talking so nice, polite, and full of tenderness.
When you act as my boyfriend, and make me feel being loved.
When you write me a poem. When you write me a love letter.
When we walk round the campus, have an ice cream When we have a chat and makes me feel better.

The moment that i hate you most.

All the things that you do in this 2 months..

Correct me if i’m wrong..

one thing for sure.. lonely and to being leaved is your nature..

i know its rude.. but its the truth.. you are too blind too see your self.. since im your mirror.. i have to reflect whats going on with you and realized you that you are totally need help in treaten somebody!!!

pathetic!!!! i cant believe this is the nature that you had… for all of this time.. how could i’d be so blind.. i love to be near you… but still theres something wrong with you.. you better fix it..

well, boy.. you have few days from now.. call me when you arrived there.. wear yor jacket.. it will be cold there.. *i guess hehe*

ow ya.. got to tell you something,. i still have a very very good relationship with my.. you know.. =p
i hope you dont mind.. we have high level of understanding rite?

will goddamn miss you..

=]

one time, you can be so nice. you hugs me. tell me how you sorry for hurting me. you crying out loud, asking for my apology.

then, you become someone that i dont know.. you hit me,, say bad things about me, abandon me.. mentally abuse me..

just like what i said.. two person in you.. and i miss one of them to be back..

no.. not for saying sorry, not for crying outloud, not for asking an apology

but to be nice..

its been so long since the last time i saw a kindness in your eyes..

sorry.. but now? theres no kindness in your eyes.. the way you look at me, its just not right..

change your point of view please? i know your just kidding me for one or two times.. tapi untuk yang lain??

you can be a better man. mungkin kamu pikir aku bebel.. susaj dikasi tau.. kalo dijahatin baru berenti.. gitu? well.. its not the way it goes..

aku belom cape. im trying my best to be a good friend for you..

atau ini adlah cara kamu memperlakukan temen kamu?

i dont know.. we never be agood friend anyway.. we are a good lover!!

maybe you need time to adaptation..

gosh!!!!!!! beradaptasi untuk menjadi teman seorang mantan???

i do understand.. gak tau knapa. kependem lama bgt..

kamu yang bilang aku gak boleh curhat sama syapa syapa.. aku gak punya temen buat cerita.. so im writing..

sorry.. if i make a mistake again.. again..
seems like mistake is my middle name? maybe.. for you..

but i know.. deep down inside youre good.. its just your self defense.. tapi apa yang kamu maw defense dari aku? i dont get it!!

if you want to protect yourself its okey.. but when look upon your shoulder.. you know im there.. =D

cant wait to see you ive got million story to tell!!!

1. more you know them, more you love them less

2. more you know them, more you love them

3. more you know them, youre just feel the same.. nothing less

ada orang yang gw liat begitu misterius dan supranatural.. tiba-tiba dia jadi idola buat gw.. beuuhh.. gw suka banget ma dya.. oke punya pokoknya.. sebut aja dia itu “monkey” -karena emang sebagai monyet dia mengumpamakan dirinya-

naaaah.. si monkey masuk dalam tipe yang ke.1.. waktu gw liat dya tuh, uda kaya kesetrum.. aneh dehh.. apa karena supranaturalnya ya? gw gak tau juga.. tapi begitu ada FB nya dan gw buka-buka..

gw ilfil aja doooonggg… buat gw.. dia gak special lagi.. karena.. more i know him.. i love him less.. sorry buddy,,

ada satu lagi.. diandra paramitha sastrowardoyo.. gw liat blog nya.. semua pandangan gw tentang dya berubah total.. gw masih tetep suka n cinta ma dia sihh.. tapi cuma sekarang beda aja gitu gw liatnya.. if i can choose.. i better never open her page,, but you still being my super IDOL!!

lanjut..

ada lagi yang tipe ke.2..
kalo ini biasanya sama diri sendiri.. when you love yourself.. it means you know yourself well..
lo tau seburuk apa, sebaik apa diri lo.. dan lo tau diri lo ada di kasta yang mana.. just beware,, dont too much.. ntar lo bisa jadi gak tau diri..!!

klo emang lo anehh.. yaudah, lo anehh aja terus.. kecuali lo punya niat untuk berubah..

lo gak bisa berubah? tanya lagi sama diri lo.. lo niat gak? kalo kamu emang gak niat buat berubah.. yaudah.. disitulah kasta kamu.. though its low..

walaupun kasta lo jadi rendah.. yaa.. terima aja,. itu konsekuensi lo.. berubahlah kalo lo mau naikan dikit..

dan yang ke.3
biasanya terjadi sama sahabat, mantan.. dll..

lo udah sangat kenal sama mereka.. apapun yang mereka lakukan gak bakal bisa bikin lo menjauh dari mereka.. belum tentu sahabat lo itu oke, tapi he’s my bestie.. apapun bentuknya tetep bestie..

mungkin untuk satu dua hal lo akan bilang ” najiss!!! jijik gw sama lo.. hueeeekksss”

tapi its all in your lips not come from the heart..

hehehe.. bener kan gw??

aku masih bisa ngebayangin.. gimana aku hebohh nunggu kamu pulang kerja.. aku udah standby dengan lingerie.. trus kamu shock ngeliat aku.. -hahahaha!!-

aku masih bisa ngebayangin.. nanti kita kalo males keluar buat malem minggu.. cuma berdua, in our warm home.. watching tv in the couch.. cuddling, hugging.. laughing..till we fall asleep.. trus pegel2 besok paginya..

having my babies.. your flesh and blood..and how you can be so panic and amaze when you see how the baby out of my body..

ohh.. my goodness.. flesh and blood.. do you know how great is that??

now.. i just can not imagine..

bahkan kayaknya aku gak sanggup undang kamu ke wedding aku..
or.. come to your wedding..??

*iya.. iya.. emang masih lama..!! trus kenapa.. aku kan cuma bayangin..*

aku udah terbiasa sama harapan yang ancur berantakan.. tapi terbiasa bukan berarti immun.. bukan berarti kebal..

the pain is there..
though is come and gone.. come.. and.. gone..
huff..

Donuts.. makes me nuts!!!

Oke.. kenapa dengan donat? Roti yang tengah nya bolong itu hobi saya. Saya suka banget makan donat.. apapun! Glazzy nya jco.. atau yoghurtnya krispy.. sampe chocolate fillingnya  dunkin.. sampe yang di pinggir jalan.. *pake meyses doang*

 i love it.. i love it.. i love it..

jadi gini.. kemarin sebelum idul adha, saya pulang kerumah naik kereta terakir.. sama si ojan.. malem banget kita disana sekitar jam stengah 10-an. What a romantic Saturday night in railway station..

disebelah tempat duduk saya ada toko donat yang bermerek internasional. Pertamanya sih saya bisa nahan diri buat gak beli. Tapi lama-lama saya gak tahaaaaannn..

akhirnya saya beli satu donat favorit saya, saya liat di display masih penuh loyang display nya. Blom ada yang beli. Aduhh.. saya ngiler banget.. abis itu penjaganya ngasih penawaran.. an offer that tease me..hmm.. i can get a dozen of my favorite donut just 30 thousand cheap!!!!!!!! Its less 15 thousand from the real price..

tapi karena kantong gw kempes.. hehe.. gak jadi dehh.. saya beli satu aja, dimakan berdua sama ojan..*tapi si ojan malu-malu dia Cuma ngambil sedikit.. hihi.. *

gak lama saya liat toko donat itu mau tutup.. dan kamu tau apa yang mereka lakukan???

BUANG..! THEY THROW IT INTO A BIG BASKIN.. ican not believe this.. my holly, juicy, delicious choco melt donut.. is there in the baskin..

Ada banyak banget full 1 loyang yang di display itu.. about 20 maybe.. hxhxhx..

Tiba-tiba saya sesek sendiri. Padahal tadi ada beggar yang butuh makan. Donat mereka seharga 5-9 ribu.. satu nya! Dan mereka buag gitu aja.. apa mereka tau seberapa banyak uang dan donat yang bisa mereka bagi?? Ke mereka yang gak punya? Yang mungkin ngiler sama saya atau orang lain yang bisa beli donat itu? NO!! They have no idea about it..

Ojan kayaknya tau saya shock.. dia langsung bilang..

“shaa..itu masih ada supervisor nya, itu kalo gak abis emang harus dibuang”

Dan yang lebih parah ternyata bukan yoko donat ini aja, tapi hampir toko makanan besar juga gitu *toko ayam goreng bermerek dagang internasional misalnya*

Hmmpphh,, coba mereka bisa liat.. kalo masih ada orang yang butuh makanan itu.. memang quality control, menjaga gengsi dan image produk itu adalah suatu standar yang harus dipatuhi..

Im just hoping.. everything that they thrown was something that happend with a good purpose.. =]

pertama..

lo udah hidup sama gw.. dan gw udah idup sama lo 3 TAHUN!!! dan we still moving on.. jadi lo boleh bertanya-tanya dalam hati apa iya gw gak nerima lo apa adanya? dan gw selama 3 taun itu ngapain dong??

dont make yourself miserable by your own opinion.

kedua.

gak usah pake kata2 dehh.. sekarang liat sikap gw..  trus lo jawab pertanyaan gw..

1. kapan gw pernah nolak lo?
2 kapan gw pernah komentar tentang diri lo?
3. kapan gw pernah bilang gw nyesel trus ilang “hm.. coba kamu…”
4. kapan lo pernah ngrasa gw gak nerima lo apa adanya???????????

aku nerima kamu ukan kamu individu aja. tapi semua yang berhubungan sama kamu..

kmaren2 gak ada 1 pun yang mampu kamu jawab ya??

aku bingung knpa kamu masih gak ngerti maksud blog aku yang kmaren itu…

im not comparing.. i want to tell them that you are really good.. n they cant judge you because they dont know you..

even some never meet you before..

and they can so proud to tell me how their boyfriend or theirselves are really good.. but i can tell them that i have you.. (walopun bukan pacar)  and how good you are in my eyes..

but all you can see is the negative.. why????

knapa kamu bisa terpengaruh dengan beberapa baris tulisan? dibanding sama apa yang udah kita lewain 3 taun ini?????

bagian mana yang gak aku terima dari kamu???? yang mana??

answer me.. you better than that. come on..

i believe we could be friend.. you still my bestie… buat aku ini cobaan aja.. mudah2an abis ini kita lebih deket. amin.

pertama2 gw sori bgt nih.. bwt dit.. yang ngrasa gw-compare.

hhii.. bukan dengan maksud jelek kog.. n u know what,, u are handsome.. n i love your smell.. even when its so gross.. =D

sewbenernya the point is.. dont judge him because you dont know him like i did..

yoda.. sgitu aja konfirmasinya..

skarang gw maw cerita yang lain..

gw sekarang ikut 5 kpanitiaan.. dan gw mulai dilanda stresss!!!!

*biasanya ada yang nungguin gw rapat sambil duduk di tangga lanskap.. trus abis itu dinner*

karena sekarang udah gak ada.. jadi gw apa2 sekarang gw harus sendiri.. harus biasa kali yahh..

bukannya gak ada temen.. temen ada.. selalu ada. tapi kita punya ritme yang beda.. 

maksud gw gini:

rapat pujangga- rapat espresso-kumpul max!!- rapat IOP Iaas.. nahh.. temen2 gw juga sibuk dengan rapat mereka masing2.. gak bisa barengan sama mereka terus.. dan gw gak mungkin lah yaa nungguin mereka selese rapat biar trus barng2..

deuuhh.. gak prinsipil bgt..

nah.. untung gw curhat sama ajiz.. dinasehatin deh gw.. katanya gw rada gila ikut 5 kpanitiaan.. sekalian aja gw pake baju biksu.. *maksudnya kerjaan biksu kan serving people without taking*

hhee… seneng aja gw ada yang nasehatin.. jadi ada yang ngingetin gw kalo gw mulai keluar batas..

AAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!!! didit.. kapan lo balik??? gw bete..!!!

Okey.. theres an argue between me and my dad,,. And its all about jengkol..

Jengkol is.. umm.. i dont know vegetables or what.. but it smell so gross..

My dad offer me to try this balado jengkol.. then i said.. “dad, do you know that eating jengkol is makruh?”

Well… i can see the changes in my daddy’s wise face.. turning into.. what-are-you-saying-kids-? Face Look..

“based on?” my dad ask

“i read that..” still chewing my meal

“are you sure?” my dad ask me again

“yes!, thats why, i feel so confused.. what about durians? It worse than jengkol..” start to know that its an interesting topics…. –well i just dont know that it lead me to…..-

“it’s absolutely not consistent!” he yelling… suddenly…!

Saying that my favorite fruit is harmful –comparing with my dad favorite vegetables- is a big mistake!

He stand up.. and take a point to my face…

“ you know.. durian is harmful.. without eating that, you doing harm to others already because that smell.. do you know that??? Its nothing if you compare it with my jengkol..!!!”

Like in fires.. he rush me a lot of words n intimidate me with many facts of dark side of my lovely durians.. and he said that i am not consisstent, and i have to stop,, to eat durians..

Heeeeyyyyy… im just giving an information.. im not telling you that you made a sins all of your age because you eat jengkol since you know that jengkol is exist in this world. And you dont have to be angry and take a point-finger to me like that.. you dont have to scream, and yelling.. it is absolutely not necessary.. and i will keep eating durians… whats the wrong with that????